I have some plans for today,

“So today I am going to do nothing”
I cried as I was lying on my bed ,
Half dead ,
or maybe completely dead.
“Why dead” you ask ,
So let me introduce myself,
I’m one of you,
Striding in this rat race,
Compelled to take decisions I don’t want to,
Bewitched by the fallacies I don’t have to,
Doing “meaningful things” that now seem meaningless,
Somehow they had relevance for me ,
Laughing often but the heart is craving to be glee,
“So why laugh though?”
No ,no , no, this laughter is just to add a bit of more plight to this tragedy,
Tragedy for which everyone craves,
Tragedy which often is confused as solace,
Well I don’t know much but one thing is very clear, this tragedy has drowned me in an endless pace,
Now I am rendered sleepless on this bed,
When I want to cry, I want to feel,
I want to love and most importantly I want to be real,
The only thing I actually do is
To add on to this miserable baggage of life,
Yeah miserable it has become,
“But why?”
Well for me it is miserable to laugh when you don’t mean it,
It is miserable to lie on that very bed where the dignity was snatched away,
Where your womanhood was the one that betrayed,
It is miserable to transform into an effigy that you never wanted to be,
But now that effigy is somehow reciting this poetry,
But these are not answers these are mere facts,
Why do you think if I had the answers, I would’ve to gasp….
This crying is different as well,
Tears are dry but wounds are sore,
Brain says relentlessly “don’t cry any more”
But heart is heart as they say,
Either it can be sad or it can be gay,
So here again the alarm clock is ringing over the head,
While I’m here lying on what they call a comfortable bed…
“Comfort, well what is that?”
I really don’t know,
Was I this consumed always or is this just a dream I beg to know,
Well dream it cannot be because you need to sleep for that and I by these very beautiful hands murdered that luxury,
Luxury of self talk, luxury to think,
think of myself and let the time sink,
All this because of someone else, ain’t I cruel yes very cruel I must tell,
But the clock is still ringing just like a knell,
I laughed hysterically as how can someone be killed who is already residing in hell,
“Hell?” you ask well let me make it clear,
My kind of explanation might look surreal.
But when the demons approached behind the veil like angels,
And when they tortured without any good reason,
I did what was completely wrong,
I blamed this very own self and changed along,
Now the soul says “This is not the place where I belong”
But what a plight,
Here only this soul has to reside,
A place where in one moment or another the thoughts collide,
Heaven as they say is a place for good souls and I believe that goodness of mine no more agrees to reside here anymore ,
She might have escaped to heaven or might have died,
The only thing left is remains,
Foot prints in the sand trudging towards endless drain,
So when I visualize hell it must be something alike,
Coexisting with your alter ego and never thinking always running to strive,
But why striving when you don’t spend your days with your own self,
Aren’t you the only one who will be there while it is dusk or dawn or what so ever you call it in hell,
While making place for “others” , my space is now no more mine,
The imperfections of being perfect brighly shine,
So today I will do nothing and let my thoughts flow,
Maybe the old soul won’t rejuvenate but some wisdom will be reincarnated
That I know .
As I woke up it was 5 but how is this rational it was 6 a while ago?
That lost smile was back on my face, screaming loudly that I slept and that was the power of getting lost into nothingness
That I know.

© Aprendiz

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10 thoughts on “Simply Nothing !

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